A Moment of Doubt

Wednesday morning, May 1, 2019. As has become my daily regiment for years now, I woke and reached for my iPad, which held the Daily Scripture Reading App that guided me through a Book of Common Prayer by presenting scripture for me to read, that thousands, perhaps millions of other Christians read and meditated on at the same time.

This day however would be different. I knew deep in my heart that in my dissatisfaction with how things were occurring in my life spiritually, caused me to rationalize values and permit myself to indulge in behavior that was to be purely for my own gratification and not Gods! Having done so, I found it difficult to submit myself to that morning devotional time wherein I usually tried to “hear” God rather than pleading my case to Him in prayer as in my evening devotions nightly.

So, in lieu of my scheduled scripture reading and contemplation of Him, I instead plead my case. I reminded God how things that were happening to me (and mine) were unacceptable! I quietly closed the Scripture and assumed an unspoken boycott of hearing God until he agreed with me. It was a silly thing to do, but was a true statement of my heart at that time. After all, I’ve always said, (to many people) that God would rather have us confess the truth rather than be “religious” and say what we think He wants us to say!

So, after having taken this independent and heroic act, I went on with my day. Without listing the details of my day, let me just say that the day was one of one personal success after another. So, in my evening devotion (wherein I present my needs and prayers to God) I found myself in deep awe of Him! I could only praise Him. In doing so, I realized that I had not yet learned how to CONTINUALLY trust Him both in want and in need. Jesus have mercy on me.

Author: livinginthemastersshadow

Christian, Conservative, Husband, Father, Grandfather, Retired Engineer, Firefighter, Paramedic, Elder in the Church, Hunter, Fisherman and Fisher of men

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